I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
