I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
