How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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