I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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