I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
