If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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