I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
