I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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