There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize