Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
