And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
