Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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