I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
