It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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