Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
