it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
