Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
