She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he just fucked me for my cheese..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
