1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he shaved USA in his pubs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The adults are the big ones right?
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