cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
