thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize