I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
