margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
