Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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