Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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