try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
