why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
