last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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