I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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