So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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