I feel like abortions should bother me more
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
