He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
