someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
