you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
