The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
