Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
