your thong is hanging out like whoa
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!