Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices