TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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