I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
