toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating