I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar