so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
