i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
