He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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