This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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