He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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