To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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