the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Randomize
