I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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