Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
