Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sober January is a disaster.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
