Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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