And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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