Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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