ugly people sure do ruin things
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
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I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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