Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
