Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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