I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
