Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
