I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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