i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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