look no pants
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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