Someone shit on the floor
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
