I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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