between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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