My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize