im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
where are my eyebrows?
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