we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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