South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
