i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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