i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
