I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
