Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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