there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
