She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
