my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So vagazzling was a success
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
