I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
