Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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