dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
