So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
