I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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