I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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