Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
