the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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