My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
