I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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